One of the Many Reasons Why I Will Never Be A Professional Chef
I was spending a peaceful Saturday afternoon frying up some bacon, in preparation for the quiches I was planning to make and freeze tomorrow, feeling quite satisfied with myself for having the forethought to think about my work lunches before the actual workweek. As I watched them bubble, I had a minor revelation: why waste the fat? Bacon brioche! The Sturgeonites visited Volt in the fall, at the height of Top Chef mania, and one of Voltaggio’s minions gave me a small patisserie of this kind, the likes of which had to be tasted to be believed. A little Google-fu revealed that the secret was to replace some or all of the butter with bacon fat. Now, I am not one of those “bacon makes everything better” trend-hoppers (although, for the record, I was eating peanut butter and bacon sandwiches long before it was cool), but I do enjoy not wasting things, because I am cheap. You can imagine my self-satisfaction at this point.
As the bacon crisped, I readied myself to store the fat as my pioneer ancestors did before me.
I learned several interesting things from the sequence of events that followed.
Fun fact #1: Hot bacon grease will cause inexpensive, disposable “tupperware” from the Glad family of products to melt on contact.
Fun fact #1a: It will also melt the bottom of an Ikea funnel.
Fun fact #2: Bacon grease goes nowhere without a fight.
Fun fact #2a: Screaming at it to stop spreading does not work, as lard does not have ears.
Fun fact #3: If, hypothetically, you have a roommate who keeps vegetarian for religious reasons, you will feel guilty for making the kitchen smell like a rendering plant in addition to being aggravated and greasy.
As I type this, I am waiting for Pan O’ Grease #2 to cool, as I am lazy enough that I decided to try it again (!) while I had a dirty pan. If these brioche are not mind-blowing, I am throwing them out the window.
- Hillary
As someone who has collected multiple containers full of bacon grease that were never actually used for anything, I would also like to offer a couple supplemental tips. Also, if you aren’t interested in hoarding bacon grease, the best thing to do is wait til it cools down a little, soak it up in paper towels, and then throw it in the garbage. Grease down the sink = bad times for all.
1. There is a wide temperature / consistency range for bacon fat; just off the range / liquid is too hot for anything, and then cool / cloudy solid is kind of gross and you don’t really want to think about it. Pour it into your ‘saver’ container when it’s warm / slightly viscous for no melting.
2. Use some kind of filter. The rendered fat by itself apparently has great shelf life, but those little bits of bacon solids can cause everything to spoil. Coffee filters / cheesecloth / layers of paper towel will line a funnel nicely.
3. Put it in an opaque container labeled with masking tape, particularly when sharing your fridge with others. At one point, I was keeping my bacon grease in an empty yogurt container. A housemate thought it would be nice to “borrow” a bowl of yogurt; he opened the container, saw the milky colloid inside, freaked out, and threw it all away while I was at work.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any experience actually cooking with saved rendered bacon fat (although I will happily fry eggs / french toast / etc in the pan right after I cook the bacon), just amassing it.