dispatches from the isle of the vegans

Pat LaFrieda does not live on Vegan Island.

I love dairy a lot more than I realized.

For the last week of Lent, otherwise known as Holy Week, I’ve decided to take vegetarianism one step further. There are a lot of reasons for this: it’s a sort of spiritual exercise, I’m curious to see what it’s like and if I can do it, I’m starting to suspect I rely too much on eggs for dinner.* (The original iteration of this post contained an elaborate analogy in which I discussed “going steady” with vegetarianism and taking it to “the next level,” but in context this seemed a bit inappropriate.) So I’ve given it all up: yogurt, cheese, ice cream, eggs, gelatin. I’m not taking it to the extremes that I could – yes, I know white sugar is processed with bone char – but I’m doing it like I mean it.

And to be honest, I didn’t think it would be too hard. I eat a lot of vegetables and not a lot of meat, I’m annoyingly smug about the fact that I try to avoid overly processed foods, and I legitimately enjoy both tofu and mushrooms. What I failed to consider, however, was the fact that I’m scraping bottom in my kitchen, and I haven’t bought groceries in weeks. As a result, I’m thoroughly sick of almost everything that I have in my pantry. As a result, perhaps it’s unsurprising that my Waterloo came so early.

Determined to enjoy foods that were naturally vegan without resorting to fake cheeses or (God forbid) soysage, I did manage to make a delicious and inherently animal-free dinner of fried polenta cakes** with doctored-up leftover tomato sauce. Post-meal, however, I realized that I’d eaten my last lime popsicle – the only vegan dessert I had in the house – yesterday. As I looked around the house, sweet, off-limits items taunted me from seemingly every shelf – chocolates, frozen cookie dough, rich Greek yogurt just begging for some honey and pistachios. All I could eat was locally made applesauce, which seemed to beseech me earnestly from the shelf: “Eat me! You will feel so satisfied and frugal!” I ditched it and headed to the grocery store.

A few minutes later, I found myself stalking the ice cream aisle. What was most remarkable was the speed at and degree to which I had changed my mindset. There were no coconut milk custards or “rice creams.” Nothing was labeled vegan or nonvegan. Even the sorbets, the labels warned me, “may contain trace amounts of milk protein.” I was as indignant as a real vegan, the kind who does this for life and not just on a whim. I couldn’t believe the lack of selection we (okay, they) were offered. Sulkily, I picked up another box of lime bars and headed for the cashier.

Of course, the grocery store had plenty of things I could eat – in the produce section. But very few people storm into the grocery at 9:30 PM looking for vegetables. I’m not sure whether America needs to lose its taste for junk food or whether the market needs to start offering more animal-free guilty pleasures. It probably wouldn’t hurt our society to move in either direction. And it probably wouldn’t hurt me to move in that direction, either, but the journey is nowhere near as easy as I had thought.

POLENTA CAKES WITH TOMATO SAUCE

an inherently vegan recipe that requires no real sacrifice

• Olive oil
• Polenta in a tube (this is a quick dinner. If you have time to make stovetop polenta, go make something else)
• A basic tomato sauce or
• your favorite pasta sauce plus
• garlic, red pepper flakes, and other add-ins you may enjoy

Slice the polenta. I find that five or six slices, about half an inch thick,  is good for a serving, so a tube will probably serve two. Heat a bit of olive oil in a skillet on medium heat and add the polenta slices. Let them sit for a bit and then turn them over; the objective is to get a nice crust. The oil will spit a little, so a fry screen or pot lid is good here. While the polenta is cooking, make your sauce. If you’re using a prepared sauce as a base, start by taking another pan and heating about a tablespoon of oil in it. Crush a clove of garlic into the oil. When it starts to turn color, add 1/4-1/3 jar of sauce for every half tube of polenta you use. (This is a remarkably precise recipe.) Add red pepper and whatever else you like – basil, etc. No cheese or it’s not vegan anymore and you will go straight to Carnivore Hell. When the polenta is ready, plate it and top with the sauce.

*”God, you put eggs in everything” – my younger sister

**For the first time tonight, my polenta cakes stuck to the pan, despite being FRIED IN OIL. I started the oil a bit hotter than usual, and I think that might have been the problem. Thoughts?

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