why I will never hire a bartender for a house party

 

We interrupt your regularly scheduled Hillary-silence for this rant on yet another fake-trend NYT article. (Lest you think I exaggerate, check out Slate’s series on these.)

I’m not sure why this article on how hiring a bartender for your parties is a sign of being a grown-up hit so close to home, although I suspect it might have something to do with the fact that all graduate students live as though they’re perpetually nineteen. (Present company included.) It did irritate me enough, however, that I feel compelled to list all the reasons why it is a stupid idea to a) do this and b) use it as some sort of maturity barometer.

1) Mixing your own drinks is fun and gives you street cred

2) Bartenders are really effing expensive and you can probably bribe a friend to do it for a pan of brownies

3) Actual quote from the article:

“In my opinion, if you don’t have a bartender at your party, you’re a loser,” said Dustin Terry, who lives a floor below Ms. Argiro and said his job was to get models and Saudi royalty into hot clubs. “The bartender brings class and sophistication.”

“If you can’t afford to hire a bartender,” he added, “you shouldn’t be having a party.”

I’m never going to be able to afford to be a real adult with my own apartment, anyway, but if I ever get there, I’m going to have a party and mix all the damn drinks myself.

 

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