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quick hit: French Toast CrunchMania, or: I am Benjamin Button

May 27, 2010

A lot of press has been devoted to the fact that school food in America is unhealthy. For once, a lot of press is right. And anyone who thinks this is hyperbole should come check out the afterschool snacks I receive and dispense every day, which have included but are not limited to Baked Doritos*, Apple Cutie Pies, and the previously-mentioned Whole Grain Pop Tarts, which I’m pretty sure are whole grain in color only.

The Aftercare Lady, however, is only human, and there comes a point in the afternoon – somewhere between lost teeth and watching yet another three year old attempt to do a cartwheel – where she gets hungry, and finds herself consuming things she hasn’t considered edible in years. (This lady is me, in case you weren’t clear on that.) Which is how she has been able to discover that no, she still doesn’t like SunChips, and yes, 100% apple juice can still be sickly sweet. It’s also how she has discovered the illicit joys of a product with an exclamation point in the name.

There’s no reason that I should like French Toast CrunchMania Graham Snacks. Anecdotal internet research suggests that perhaps the FTCMGS, and their counterparts the Cinnamon Bun CrunchMania Graham Snacks (CBCMGS), were originally intended to be a breakfast snack. That’s not okay. Replacing actual toast with toast-shaped cookies is like something out of our dystopian future. But as stand-alone snacks, these are delicious. They are crunchy and somehow buttery, and the fake maple flavor is mild enough that it serves to accent the whole package. The only theory I can come up with to explain why I love these so much is that somehow my sense of taste, like my sense of humor, is inching backwards to match more closely my babies. Also, I’ve probably forgotten what it’s like to be around adults for any amount of time.

Oh, I know these are causing the fall of civilization as we know it, as well as my eventual descent into a baby-like state. And I don’t think it’s okay for DC Public Schools to be giving these to our kids and then expecting them to behave as though we had not fed them cookie-shaped corn syrup. But I will consider forgiving them if they drop a box off at my house.

*just as gross as the regular kind, but presumably healthier

One Comment leave one →
  1. franklybecca permalink*
    May 27, 2010 9:09 am

    The box says it’s a good source of both calcium AND vitamins. I’d probably eat one.

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